m i s t a k e s

 assalamualaikum,

it has been a week since i last updated my blog

*lama kan?*

i didn't do much at home,

sitting, watching telly, sleeping,

*yes, i restrain myself from eating, 

3 meals with a snack it between lunch & dinner.

crazy?nope, i'm used to it *

and facebooking 

*seriously, fb dah boring. sorry mark*

 

anyway, i'm not talking about eating disorder though.

my entry today is about

m i s t a k e s

*very common topic*

as my status in

if you want a free-from-mistake life, do this ; sit down & don't move.

seriously, don't be dumb enough to do it because everybody does mistakes

and its normal.

yes, i am those who always makes mistakes and always get scolded.

i hate making mistakes but i just can't stop from doing it.

it sucks just thinking about the feelings that i had hurt and not be able to

forgive myself for it.

sometimes, i wish that i was in box where i can just sit there and do nothing.

this way, nobody's feelings could get hurt.

i don't know, that just sounded crazy but it true.

i wish to be a better person but i can't, just can't.

its really hard seeing people around you so happy but you're not.

i kept hurting my love ones <3<3<3 and it is painful.

yes, i'm a m o n s t e r, 
deal with it!

there is one time, i wish that i don't have a mouth & tongue to speak 

or 

fingers to text messages, comments and statuses in facebook

because

by the end of the day, i'll be hurting someone's feeling without
realizing or spontaneously.

i want to make my love ones <3<3<3 happy, seriously

but

i just can't.

sometimes, i just felt that i'm not compatible for anyone,

not worth loving or spending life with,

or just being plain friends with.

it's really hard having these feelings coped up inside because

by speaking out, i maybe hurting someone feelings in the process.

sometimes when i feel happy, i don't feel like everybody feels as happy as i am.
maybe they just feel that way for the sake of being considerate.

i sometimes penalize myself by &*^%% or ^%$@#

for the mistakes i'd made,

did it as a reminder to myself about the painful feelings

i cause in everyone hearts.

* its dangerous for you to know what i did , but suicide is not one of them*

i try to accept the fact that i am human and mistakes are normal

but

when throughout your life, you constantly make mistakes,

it's impossible for you to convince yourself that mistakes are normal.

you just felt like you're a mistake monster and people

around must hide from you.

i don't have heaps of friends, the maximum friends i've got is just around

3 to 4 people. i don't go out much because when people ask me out,

i decline them which give them an impression,

 " hey, don't ask her out, seriously. she is such a

boring person  "

  it does hurt when you think about it but don't fret.

i'm used to rejection, scoldings, critics, slur from people around me.

when i feel sad, i just listen to

the big question is,

 " how long can my heart stand strong? "

i don't know,

just wait and see

byebye

ps : i wrote this entry just to let you know how i feel about making mistakes,

not to beg for sympathy.